There is no such thing as 110% (self-care myth #3)

Self-care Myth # 3: I can never quit anything ever.

I had one particular work environment that stressed the importance of giving 100% of what you have to the job. I was told that at this point in my career I should not be trying to have any type of work-life balance, and that I should be putting all of my energy into the job. I, as we have already discussed, am one to throw myself into what I do. Having a culture that pushed that even more gave me excuses to completely stop taking care of myself. (More about unhealthy group culture coming up next week!)

You cannot be 100% in on one thing unless you are 0% in on everything else in your life (with the exception of following a set of values or beliefs that influence everything in your life). Everything from personal hygiene to your health to your relationships.

With being told that everything needed to be going into work-- I felt guilty when I would, say, take a lunch break, or not work from home all weekend. It strengthened the narratives about working myself to exhaustion. It took a toll on my physical health, my emotional health, my mental health, my relationships-- because, in my mind, any effort I put towards those I was being taken away from doing my best at my job .

Having close to no personal life, working 60 hours a week, only talking about work, waking up in a panic and grabbing my computer to fix something for work the next day, did not make me a better at my job. It did not make me more effective at my job. In fact, if I had taken better care of myself, focused on having a life outside of work, I would have been dramatically healthier and happier, and that would have improved my work. (So even if you don’t want to take care of yourself for you, it’s better for everyone if you do.)

Suffice it to say, sometimes you need to quit things-- if it is an unhealthy environment or if you just take on too many things. I am not saying that you can quit standing up for what is right. We need people to be engaged in making the world better. What I am saying is, if an environment is unhealthy, or if you have taken too much on, you can quit a particular group, role, or lessen your responsibility in some regards. You will find a way to be effective independent of group membership, company of employment, leading this or organizing that.